Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
