Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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