We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
