it wasn't lemon gatorade
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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