very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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