So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
