She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
