There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
