Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize