During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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