i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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