She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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