and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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