A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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