Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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