Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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