Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
