Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
