I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
