Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
