You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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