I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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