Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
