I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
