Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
