he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
