Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
