Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
