there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
