Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
