I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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