Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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