I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
