While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
