I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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