either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
