Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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