Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
