I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
