I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
