So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
