shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
