Nicole vs. Life
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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