woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
