We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
