is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Im part way to drunk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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