so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
