I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
