my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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