I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
