He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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