Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize