How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
