It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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