K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
