Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
