coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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