Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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