You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
ok first of all what the fuck
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
