i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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