come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
