I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
