So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
