He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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