So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
