P.S. I can't hear my feet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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