she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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