My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
