i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
