If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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