We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize