the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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