The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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