went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
