That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
