just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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