I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
