I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize