OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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