Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
